For the past three weeks, I’ve been going through a lot of emotional upheavals. I’m in the verge of a break up with a man I’ve been with since high school, I’m being rejected by the girls I’ve started an anime club with this year and on top of that, I’m in the middle of Fall finals.
I’ve been questioning who I am because of all this. However, despite the fact that I’ve been feeling like utter crap lately, I’ve found my solstice in my geekiness. I felt like this was the only thing that hasn’t changed about me and the only thing that hasn’t been questioned. I just received my copy of the book and it really reminded me of this. I’m still the geeky gamer girl and I’m so happy to read about other women who are just as geeky, if not more.
So, I’ve been immersing myself into gaming as a means of empowerment. I just beat the first boss in the game, Okami, for the Playstation 2 and I felt so much better because I just overcame a challenge. Beating small challenges made tackling much bigger ones more comfortable, like writing a 12 page paper or dealing with a break up. When bigger challenges become too much, I go back to my games. I’ve come to see this as my geeky therapy- letting out frustrations on demons in Okami, I think, is better than taking the anger out on another person or a good piece of furniture.
My geekiness has kept me afloat through some rough times. Now, I really want to work harder to make my geekiness the best it can be—mastering my games and becoming a successful web designer. I’m even thinking of starting a female gamers club on campus or at least, finding a group of girl gamers around UCLA to play with. Hopefully, somewhere in this process, I can reaffirm who I am and not feel so beaten down.
Does anyone else have a form of geeky therapy?