I was surprised to see that my sister Andrea’s blog featured some greeting card copy I wrote way back in 1993 for VooDoo, MIT’s humor magazine. (My all-time favorite VooDoo headline, not yet online, is “MIT Pistol Team Beats Yale Fencing Team”.) My premise was that the cards offered in the campus bookstore did not meet the needs of MIT students (such as “sorry about your wrists”) and suggested some more relevant cards. Here’s a teaser:
I have enjoyed our electronic correspondence
Whenever my terminal notifies me that I have mail,
I eagerly check whether it is from you.
If it is, my heart races as I read and reread it.
It annoys me officemates that
I laugh aloud at your witticisms
and audibly groan at your criticisms,
But I care about you more than them.
I fondly remember the times we used “talk”.
I confess that I saved away phrases of yours
that I was unwilling to let go.
I think we should meet each other in person some time.
I also slipped in some feminism:
You don’t belong at MIT (to most students)
I don’t know anything about your intelligence,
your grades, or your experience,
but that won’t stop me from telling you
that you don’t belong at MIT.
You were only admitted because you are
a legacy/woman/underrepresented minority/Iowan.
I realize that by saying this without knowing
anything about your abilities,
I imply that no member of your group is qualified,
but I say it anyway.