Comments on: It’s not all right to cry http://www.shessuchageek.com/2007/02/10/its-not-all-right-to-cry/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 07:59:08 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Kaleberg http://www.shessuchageek.com/2007/02/10/its-not-all-right-to-cry/comment-page-1/#comment-2267 Kaleberg Fri, 23 Feb 2007 04:07:47 +0000 http://www.shessuchageek.com/2007/02/10/its-not-all-right-to-cry/#comment-2267 I remember one story of a young, female assistant district attorney who was dreading her first summation. She was sitting at her desk crying. Her boss, a seasoned prosecutor who had seen worse, told her flat out, "Stop that crying. Go to the bathroom and throw up like a man." There is more than one way to somaticize. Is it OK to cry on the job? Hey, it worked for Geraldo Rivera. Fran Lebowitz used to write about the mutant elite. Their mantra was, so sue me. She wrote about the difference between the sensitive artist types and the insensitive go for it mutants of the 1980s. (As Ryker, on Star Trek: The Next Generation, put it, whatever you beamed up 20 years ago, that wasn't me). Interestingly, she didn't see the line divided by sex, but rather by a certain level of operational arrogance. I remember one story of a young, female assistant district attorney who was dreading her first summation. She was sitting at her desk crying. Her boss, a seasoned prosecutor who had seen worse, told her flat out, “Stop that crying. Go to the bathroom and throw up like a man.” There is more than one way to somaticize.

Is it OK to cry on the job? Hey, it worked for Geraldo Rivera.

Fran Lebowitz used to write about the mutant elite. Their mantra was, so sue me. She wrote about the difference between the sensitive artist types and the insensitive go for it mutants of the 1980s. (As Ryker, on Star Trek: The Next Generation, put it, whatever you beamed up 20 years ago, that wasn’t me). Interestingly, she didn’t see the line divided by sex, but rather by a certain level of operational arrogance.

]]> By: Nici M. http://www.shessuchageek.com/2007/02/10/its-not-all-right-to-cry/comment-page-1/#comment-1581 Nici M. Sun, 11 Feb 2007 07:01:55 +0000 http://www.shessuchageek.com/2007/02/10/its-not-all-right-to-cry/#comment-1581 Hey, I stumbled across your blog using StumbleUpon and I had to read it. I've always been known as the supersmart geek girl to my friends basically everyone who reads me. As I said, I just had to this and, congratulations, this is actually a very excellent blog you're running here. That's a high compliment coming from me: I hate most blogs because they just come off as totally self-absorbed. Anyhow, I can totally relate to this post even though I don't work in the fields of science or engineering, but I work in another overwhelmingly male-dominated occupation: I'm in the military. I love my work, but, due to our stressful deployment, all the subsequent pressure it places on my family, and what is expected of us in order to be considered for advancement, I often find myself holding back tears while speaking to my colleagues at work. Since the majority colleagues are male and it's considered terrible "military bearing" to display strong emotions in the line of duty, I know that I shouldn't cry, but I just can't help it sometimes. As a result, I've gotten a reputation among my coworkers as emotionally unstable and touchy. It doesn't matter that I'm considered a subject-matter expert in my field as long as I've got that reputation. Men are afraid to come to me for help. I consider myself a HSP (highly sensitive person) and I'd never really viewed my emotional sensitivity as a "bad" thing- that is, until I joined the military. Suddenly, it became this huge taboo and I must say I think it's unjustified. I think it's one of the best examples of gender stereotyping of which I can think. And, honestly, I think it's time for the taboo to die. Everybody has emotions and, sometimes, they break through on the job. Big deal! I mean, the average American spends a good chunk of their time at work. It's bound to happen to most people- male or female- sooner or later. However, except for rare cases of mental illness, it doesn't impact the person's ability to operate on the job. It's about time we started doing some revision of our unofficial workplace rules in our culture. Whew. I know I've written a lot here, but I just want to let you know I feel you. This is a topic that really strikes close to home for me. Thanks for writing about it. Keep up the awesome blogging. Hey, I stumbled across your blog using StumbleUpon and I had to read it. I’ve always been known as the supersmart geek girl to my friends basically everyone who reads me. As I said, I just had to this and, congratulations, this is actually a very excellent blog you’re running here. That’s a high compliment coming from me: I hate most blogs because they just come off as totally self-absorbed.
Anyhow, I can totally relate to this post even though I don’t work in the fields of science or engineering, but I work in another overwhelmingly male-dominated occupation: I’m in the military. I love my work, but, due to our stressful deployment, all the subsequent pressure it places on my family, and what is expected of us in order to be considered for advancement, I often find myself holding back tears while speaking to my colleagues at work. Since the majority colleagues are male and it’s considered terrible “military bearing” to display strong emotions in the line of duty, I know that I shouldn’t cry, but I just can’t help it sometimes. As a result, I’ve gotten a reputation among my coworkers as emotionally unstable and touchy. It doesn’t matter that I’m considered a subject-matter expert in my field as long as I’ve got that reputation. Men are afraid to come to me for help. I consider myself a HSP (highly sensitive person) and I’d never really viewed my emotional sensitivity as a “bad” thing- that is, until I joined the military. Suddenly, it became this huge taboo and I must say I think it’s unjustified. I think it’s one of the best examples of gender stereotyping of which I can think. And, honestly, I think it’s time for the taboo to die. Everybody has emotions and, sometimes, they break through on the job. Big deal! I mean, the average American spends a good chunk of their time at work. It’s bound to happen to most people- male or female- sooner or later. However, except for rare cases of mental illness, it doesn’t impact the person’s ability to operate on the job. It’s about time we started doing some revision of our unofficial workplace rules in our culture.
Whew. I know I’ve written a lot here, but I just want to let you know I feel you. This is a topic that really strikes close to home for me. Thanks for writing about it. Keep up the awesome blogging.

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