For the past three weeks, I’ve been going through a lot of emotional upheavals. I’m in the verge of a break up with a man I’ve been with since high school, I’m being rejected by the girls I’ve started an anime club with this year and on top of that, I’m in the middle of Fall finals.
I’ve been questioning who I am because of all this. However, despite the fact that I’ve been feeling like utter crap lately, I’ve found my solstice in my geekiness. I felt like this was the only thing that hasn’t changed about me and the only thing that hasn’t been questioned. I just received my copy of the book and it really reminded me of this. I’m still the geeky gamer girl and I’m so happy to read about other women who are just as geeky, if not more.
So, I’ve been immersing myself into gaming as a means of empowerment. I just beat the first boss in the game, Okami, for the Playstation 2 and I felt so much better because I just overcame a challenge. Beating small challenges made tackling much bigger ones more comfortable, like writing a 12 page paper or dealing with a break up. When bigger challenges become too much, I go back to my games. I’ve come to see this as my geeky therapy- letting out frustrations on demons in Okami, I think, is better than taking the anger out on another person or a good piece of furniture.
My geekiness has kept me afloat through some rough times. Now, I really want to work harder to make my geekiness the best it can be—mastering my games and becoming a successful web designer. I’m even thinking of starting a female gamers club on campus or at least, finding a group of girl gamers around UCLA to play with. Hopefully, somewhere in this process, I can reaffirm who I am and not feel so beaten down.
Does anyone else have a form of geeky therapy?
Hey, I can’t remember the last time I really had the time to seriously game! Since starting my PhD my favorite past time is sleeping. I really miss it though.
I now read, go through total synthesis papers and practice reaction mechanisms, knit and read blogs. Does that qualify?
Gaming is great geek therapy. Reminding yourself that you can kick ass is always good!
The last time I had a bad breakup was several years ago. I hadn’t read any of the Harry Potter novels yet, and there were three out at that time. So I bought them all, holed up in my best friend’s house, and read them for an entire weekend while my stupid ex moved all his stuff out of our old place. When I got home, he was gone and I felt much better — the books helped a lot, and so did realizing that I could have fun on my own.
I love to watch geeky movies (Real Genius, WarGames, etc) and work on coding issues. Stress in my personal life always seems to hone my ability to focus on a computer or code problem and see an answer. If only it also gave me the ability to see an answer to my personal issues!
BTW, could the person running this site add a title to the site? (Wordpress Admin area > Options > Weblog title field)
Sorry, we can’t add a title to the site, or it turns up in our “kubrick” banner at the top of the site, and looks weird. I was meaning to go in and edit the .php files, as soon as I find the right password…
i just finished my last test and i’ve started on my new favorite game, psychonauts. it’s pitched at 10 year old boys but it has more traction for me than other games i’ve played. i like plots in my games and characters.
I’ve only recently been able to get back to gaming with any sort of regularity, and I definitely use it to help work through mental blocks, or when I’m ready to kick small puppies.
It’s amazing how many problems I’ve resolved by beating up baddies in old games! (although last night, I just sat and knit while watching a friend play a game, and that was pretty stress-reducing, too!)